Putting Christ First

In our pursuit to please our wives and impress our friends we often neglect our number one priority: Jesus Christ. Our relationship with our savior is the single most important relationship we will ever have, yet we find it so easy to forget about Jesus and become bogged down in our earthly lives. 

You men have heard the saying: ‘Happy wife, happy life’ often enough that you’ve fully convinced yourself that all of your efforts and purpose is derived from her opinion of you. Men, this is not how you should be living your lives or orienting your focus. Your number one goal should not be to please your wife, but to please your maker.

Don’t get this twisted either. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be seeking to please our wives; I’m simply making the assertion that that is not your foundation. If you build your house based off of your standing with your wife on any given day it would be much like building the foundation on the sand. Instead, your foundation is built upon the rock, your Lord Jesus Christ! Your wife will thank you in the long term for this one.

We are called into a relationship with God and that means prioritizing it above all other relationships. If you are the type of man (as I once was in the very recent past) who rejects the idea of loving God more than his spouse, you are in error. Your marriage and family relationships will never be what they could be if you would just put Christ first. 

The clarity that comes with submitting yourself to Christ will allow you to love your wife and children better, to tend to their needs, and lift them higher than you could’ve otherwise done. Do you want to love your wife well and provide a good home for your family? Put Christ first. From Him you will receive wisdom and strength that no other relationship could provide you. 

Think about the last time you were insulted, name-called, disrespected, embarrassed, or emasculated. Did you let the offender’s words cause you hurt, resentment, and bitterness?

If you’re like most, you likely carried those insults with you for the rest of the day, or the week even. It affected your other relationships and you probably let it drive down your own self-perceived value or worth as a man, husband, and/or father.

It is too easy to fall into this habit of allowing others to hold this sort of control over you and manipulate your self-esteem. When you have a strong and healthy relationship with Christ however, there will be no illusions concerning your self worth or value. 

Even if others don’t understand you, Jesus does. Even if others will call you names and belittle you in public, Jesus won’t, and he understands your pain. Your savior suffered those same offenses himself for your sake after all!

We need to be like Jesus and understand that other people’s assessment of our worth is not an accurate one based in truth. Instead, the words of poison which they speak is based in the lie.

Jesus said it very clearly when he told us that out of the mouth the heart speaks, and in our hearts we often harbor evil thoughts. Be like Jesus and have an understanding that you are created in the image of God, beloved by Him and just as valuable as everyone else.

It is crucial that you seek not to please your wife solely because it leads to peace in your home. You please your wife first because it pleases the Lord. You develop your marriage in Christ, not apart from Him. 

It is easy to neglect Jesus because he doesn’t stand before us and talk directly to us the same way that our families and friends do. It isn’t hard to forget about Jesus and his influence on our lives. It takes discipline to grow your relationship with Jesus and it takes a daily, conscious effort to help it grow. 

Imagine if you treated your relationship with your best friend the way you treat your relationship with Jesus. You talk with them maybe once a day, but you often forget a day or two, and sometimes you go an entire week without saying a single word. You do things that you know they hate and you often curse their name.

When he calls you, you send the call to voicemail, but you forget to check it later. This is the kind of hurt that Jesus feels from all of us, and yet he never withdraws the offer of a deep and meaningful relationship with you! Imagine enduring all of that yourself.

The likelihood that you would stick around and give that friend a second chance is slim, yet Jesus offers much more than that for you. Don’t be so careless! Accept the offer and turn towards God. You can’t even begin to understand sacrifice until you learn what it entails from the man who sacrificed the most for the most.

As men we have many responsibilities that our female counterparts do not have. This includes taking on the role of leader in the marriage, pointing our families towards God, being chiefly responsible for instructing our children in the way of the Lord, and being the protector and the one responsible for provision.

Since we are given this specific calling by God we must embrace it, not resist it. The only way we could hope to fulfill this God-given role is to first submit our will to His and come before Him humbly, broken-in-spirit, aware of our sins, and ready to take on the burdens which He has seen fit for us.

This is easier said than done, but He never gives us that which we are not able to do. No excuses men — step up! Learn from the wise teacher and serve as He did so that we might cultivate joy in our homes, not resentment. 

So how can you do this? How can you develop a relationship with the Lord that will lead to the development of all of your other relationships? The answer is simple, but that doesn’t make it easy. If you want to be close with Jesus then start by talking to Him. We can easily get distracted by the earthly things which surround us, but taking time out of your day with intentionality to speak to your savior is a great first step towards becoming closer with Him.

I know it can seem daunting to step aside and speak to God, but practice makes it much easier over time. It’s best to start praying alone. After that, you can pray over your wife and children. Then you can pray for friends, and at larger gatherings as well if the situation calls for it. Jesus wants to talk to you, so take the time to do so. You aren’t expected to give a long winded speech or make a persuasive appeal to Him, but rather have an intimate conversation.

Another important thing you can do to grow closer to Jesus is to study His word! Regular time in the Bible is a fantastic way to learn more about God and what it means to be a follower. He has made His story abundantly clear to us and provided us with a means to study His will for us. There is a power in the scriptures that cannot be found in any other written text. It’s a gift to us that we frankly don’t deserve, but which we need to utilize as often as possible. 

One of the most difficult ways of following Jesus is to repent and turn towards Him. This means to switch off the pornography, turn away from the video games, stop texting other women, put down the phone and your mindless scrolling on Youtube and Facebook, and turn towards your savior instead! He offers something of much more value than any of those other things, and He desires to give it to you by the mere fact of His love towards you.

Loving Christ means hating sin, and hating sin gives us the perspective we need to craft the discipline of repentance. You are not good enough, so don’t believe the lie that you are. You are made good by Jesus, so turn to Him and accept the free gift of grace He extends towards you. Have faith that He will provide!

If there is anything you take away from this post let it be this: the Christian life is not easy, and Jesus said as much. It is not reasonable for us men to expect an easy life with no responsibility or urgency towards action. We are to be active leaders in our home, not passive followers. Adam was passive and his actions led to a cursing over all of man-kind. Don’t be like Adam, be like Jesus!

If all of these things seem too hard or inconvenient for you, that’s the point! Men walk into the pain, boys stay behind amidst the pleasure. Don’t be a boy, be a man. Let the Holy Spirit wash over you and renew your mind. Accept Jesus and His teachings and watch your life be transformed. Your wife deserves the man you can be, not the man that you are. So… what are you waiting for?

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